As long as Marvel has been releasing franchise films, fans have been eating them up. Their newest release, Eternals, is one of the most controversial projects Marvel has put out in recent memory, due to several factors — it features Marvel’s first openly gay superhero, as well as Marvel’s first deaf hero — but what’s drawing the most attention is that it is the lowest-rated movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, including Thor: The Dark World.
Now, before I get too far into my review, I want to make something very clear. Eternals is better than Thor: The Dark World. However, it is unquestionably different than any Marvel project that has preceded it, and I think people aren’t taking it well. Director Chloe Zhao made it clear that she had a different vision for Eternals from the start, and it is visible throughout every step of the film, from casting to color-grading. What was fun about franchises like Thor and Captain America was that they featured actors who were not previously well known, allowing stars like Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Tom Hiddleston to truly grow into and become their characters. My first critique of Eternals is that it is hard to turn Angelina Jolie into anyone besides Angelina Jolie, and it is hard to cleanse Richard Madden of Rob Stark’s legacy (as short-lived as it may have been. RIP king).
That being said, all of the Eternals played their parts wonderfully. I don’t think there were any award-winning performances, but I did like watching all of them. Let me give a quick rundown:
Gemma Chan, the most beautiful woman of all time maybe, plays Sersi with grace and composure. She is tranquil and level-headed and she had a literal calming screen presence.
Richard Madden plays Ikaris, the most powerful Eternal, and he is so gorgeous that it is hard to critique anything else he does. Kit Harrington doesn’t have a super extensive role in this film, but they shared the screen early on for a few seconds and I felt the unfiltered joy of GOT seasons 1-7 flow through me again, which was in itself worth the price of the parking garage I had to pay to get out of.
Salma Hayek plays Ajak, the leader of the Eternals, and wow — what a turnaround from Grown Ups to this! She is motherly and soothing and her accent is just cool enough that I could believe it was from another planet.
Brian Tyree Henry, Lauren Ridloff, Barry Keoghan, Ma Dong-seok, and Lia McHugh are all charming and easy to watch, they fit their roles well, and I liked that they were less familiar than the rest of the cast. They meshed seamlessly with their respective Eternals and this added a level of authenticity the movie would have achieved without them. Lauren Ridloff is an ASL user in real life, and she was excellent. I appreciated how normalized the use of sign language was in the film.
I want to talk mostly, though, about Kumail Nanjiani. I saw a tweet a while back in which a film critic laughed about how Nanjiani has been the subject of media fascination and scrutiny since he was cast for Eternals, because he spent the subsequent years getting super jacked and sexy, and then admitted to steroid use, and then complained that people were being hyper-critical of his body. All of this, and he does not have a single shirtless scene in the entire 2.5 hour run of the movie. They literally could have CGI-ed his muscles and nobody would have known the difference. He also does that thing where he raises one eyebrow a LOT, and while I understand the intent is to deliver an A-lister ~smolder~, my one note was that it looked like he had gotten botox in only half of his forehead.
His eternal, Kingo, is clearly intended to be the comedic relief of the film, and for the first time in my life, I am willing to admit that this is a Marvel film that would potentially have benefitted without so many jokes. The style and subject matter were relatively somber as compared to the rest of the MCU, and if producers were willing enough to have Zhao come in and direct, they should have been willing to risk the comedic aspect of the film in exchange for its overall integrity. I didn’t like Kingo that much, but I am happy for Kumail, I guess. He looked like he was having a ton of fun.
Now, for my remaining critiques: firstly, the monsters that the Eternals are fighting off Earth, called deviants (but somehow in no way related to the same deviants that shaped the entire Loki series, which…. is strange to me), are an extremely boring villain. They are weird-looking — the CGI looks expensive yet unpolished — and there is no backstory or reason to care about their existence for the majority of the film. It helps to have a human enemy, with motives and morals, and internal conflict. Characters like Loki, Mysterio, and Ultron are just as interesting as our heroes, which makes a much more engaging story. The deviants are just ugly and angry.
The first major twist doesn’t come until around the hour-forty mark, and that is a long time to expect audiences to remain engaged. It isn't a big deal for the die-hard Marvel fans who are going to see Eternals tonight, but for the casual viewer, this is a little bit of a strain. I was complaining (internally, because I went alone) for about the first hour because I knew there was some deeper story happening but there was no indication yet of what it was going to be, and I was getting tired.
Lastly, the CGI was not overly impressive. The space-guy that controls the Eternals is just a more boring version of Dr. Strange’s DORMAMU (all-time scene), and the weapons the Eternals use look like more complex versions of Dr. Strange’s hand-wave shields. There were a lot of aspects of Eternals that sort of seemed like they had been recycled from other Marvel films, and they were just done poorly. After seeing Dune on the big screen the other week, my standards were high, and Eternals did not impress.
All of that being said, I am happy I went. Eternals was unique, and I am excited for Marvel to start to really engage in Phase 4. Regardless of reviews, I will continue to show up on the opening night for the franchise, just like millions of other fans across the world. And that is for sure an advantage for the execs at Marvel Studio, because Eternals was certainly no Avengers, or even Thor: Ragnarok. I am interested to see what the fans have to say after this weekend.
There are two post-credit scenes, and both are important, so keep your ass in the seat when the movie ends. If you’ve been on Twitter in the last six weeks, or have any friends who are on Twitter pretty much ever, you know at least one A-list musician who will be making his debut appearance in the first scene. I don’t want to get targeted for being a spoiler, but I will say this much: I think every woman in the audience gasped. A few screamed, some clapped. The second scene is less for the fangirls and more for the Marvel groupies, and there is a lot more to unpack afterward. Hopefully, someone on one of the comic book websites will have some insight to offer, because I am far too lazy to do any research myself. All that being said, I am counting down the days until Spiderman: No Way Home. Marvel hasn’t lost its grip on me quite yet.
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